January 5, 2017

So, I’ve liked this TV-show, The Vampire Diaries, for years now. And it was until today that I just completely freaked out because of it.

I don’t want to spoil the show for anyone, but there’s this piece of the story where Stefan and Damon are in the hell of the Phoenix-stone. Both of them are reliving some kind of own personal hell, and when they try to escape; they can’t. They relive this personal hell every day, the same scene every day. The same people in it, the same words, the same place, the same behavior. They try to escape every day by making another scene. But they can’t get out of their personal hell. They have to get through this point where they finally let something hurtful in, or let someone go, or something like that. To accomplish something, if I can explain for the people who aren’t familiar with TVD.

And since today, I’ve been seeing my PTSD like this. Sometimes, I just get stuck inside these pictures of scenes I’ve been trapped in. In these pictures, I’m with the man who put me through all this. He’s holding me. Not letting me go. And sometimes, I scream. Sometimes, I cry. But he just never lets me go. Never. He touches me. I can’t escape. I try to do all these things to escape, but I just can’t. Sometimes I’m fighting. He holds me even more thightly. I thought I’ve been through enough pain by now. I don’t want to relive my memories anymore. Make it stop, please. I want to escape. I’ve been in hell for the last two months. I want to break free and be me again. Because I don’t even know who I am anymore. I just want to escape, please.


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