January 5, 2017

On January 3, 2017 I’ve got my official diagnose. I wasn’t only diagnosed with PTSD, but with depression, too.

Tonight, I got to psycho-educate myself in assignment of my psychologist. I got to know that people who are coping too long with PTSD themselves, could get a depression as well. So… Yeah, here I am. The 18-year old girl who got to cope with PTSD for too long. It’s been longer than a year. And that’s why I’m in a depression now, too. At first, I couldn’t believe her (my psychologist). A depression? We hadn’t talked about that before. But it’s captured in my plan of treatment.

Even as my underweight. It’s been captured in my plan of treatment. But that’s really the thing I understand the least. Four months ago, I weighed only 6 lbs more, and nobody thought it was a problem back then. But now, I HAVE to gain weight. Otherwise, they couldn’t treat me. EMDR is the therapy my psychologist choose for me, because it’s a treatment for trauma’s. I have to be fierce for EMDR, and they think I’m not when I’m underweight. I know I’ve got to gain weight for the progress of my well-being, but I just don’t want to. I’m okay with my weight now.

Today, January 5, 2017, I talked again to my boyfriend again for the first time. I miss him. But I still don’t know what’s best for me. Let him go or hold on to him and my love for him?

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